New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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