ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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