people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
