We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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