Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
