I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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