we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
