the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
