what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
