Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
