aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
