She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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