I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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