Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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