obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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