If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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