Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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