its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
