Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
