you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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