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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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