And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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