So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
