I think i peed on brittanys purse
Small penises have feelings too.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
