Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
My bed smells like the plague
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
