just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
