Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
