i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
