He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
