You're my little dorito
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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