i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
