12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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