grandma shit on top of the toilet
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
