Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dick very happy bro
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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