So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
