I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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