My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
