dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
