I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
