just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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