I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
