Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Randomize
