No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
