it was like eating out sand paper
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
