i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
