I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
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