I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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