my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
