does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
