I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
