Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Randomize
