guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I can't turn off my feet"
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
