So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
