i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
