I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
