Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
