I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Randomize
