found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
